Best and worst of the year: From screaming to singing

It’s that time of year again folks, and I don’t mean Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa.

I’m talking about the time of year when people who write smarty-pants newspaper columns, blogs and magazine articles like to haul out their “best and worst of the year” lists.

I, of course, am not immune to this trap, mainly because I’m one of those who loves reading these lists.

But instead of talking about a bunch of books and movies I haven’t read or seen (I’ve read the lists for worst movies of the year, and I’m glad I didn’t waste my time), I’m going to stick to something we all know and have had a love/hate relationship with since the electronic age began: television commercials.

By the way, I’m disqualifying election commercials. They were all terrible.

The worst

Runner-up: He’s on every channel selling every item imaginable. He screams at you to buy a miracle product that will save you thousands of dollars in repair and dry-cleaning bills.

You guessed it: BILLY MAYS, THE MAN WHO YELLS WHILE DEMONSTRATING CLEANING PRODUCTS AS IF HIS LIFE DEPENDS ON YOU BUYING THEM. From OxiClean to OrangeGlo to Mighty Putty, this guy SEEMS VERY, VERY EXCITED about how these simple products can change your life.

The only good thing about these ads is my daughter likes to imitate them.

First (or last) place: As annoying as Billy Mays can be, at least he’s screaming about something different nearly every time he’s on. There’s some information to be had.

But the group of morons strumming guitars and singing jingles for Free Credit Report.com make me want to sprint for the remote to hit the mute button and/or claw out my own eyes.

If you haven’t seen them, consider yourself lucky. Each commercial features a long-haired 20-something dude with a blank—vaguely amused, but mostly blank—expression on his face singing into the camera some pseudo-catchy song about how he wouldn’t be stuck in a lousy job, driving a lame car or married to some slacker woman with bad credit if only he had visited this one perfect Web site, freecreditreport.com. Puh-leeze!

I know my credit score. Most people who’ve been adults in the past 10 years know their credit scores. But if you don’t happen to know it at the very moment you’re watching this commercial, it’s not the end of the world. Your life is not over.

Do not think this man is helping you. He is putting annoying melodies into your head and decreasing your I.Q. every time he darkens your TV screen.

The best

This hasn’t been a great year for TV ads, but I do enjoy watching the Jeep commercial where the squirrel and birds jump into the guy’s Jeep and start singing “Rock Me Gently” along with him. Then, all of a sudden a wolf jumps in and starts eating the birds.

I have no idea why, but I love this commercial.

Have a different opinion? Let me know.

Next week, I’ll have a new list of best/worst, but it won’t be anything predictable.