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Eliminating the federal budget deficit and unicorns for everyone

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By Caroline Curran, Reporter

It has been my personal experience that just when you think you’ve seen it all—when something or someone is so ridiculous it seems there’s no way things could possibly get any stranger—they do. They always do.

For example, take any situation lately involving former state Sen. R.C. Soles Jr.

Every time he’s in the news, which is increasing in frequency now that he’s no longer in the state Senate, you think it can’t get any stranger.

But it does. It always does.

From an unlikely umbrella attack to an alleged biting incident to kicking with what have been described as pointy little elf shoes, it’s always something with the state’s longest serving legislator and his ludicrous supporting cast of Tabor City miscreants.

I’ve learned my lesson, and I can say with confidence, things will get stranger in Soles’ sordid tale. Just take my word on this one.

Another good example would be Congress, with a special emphasis on former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

With a federal government shutdown looming last week, heated exchanges between Republicans and Democrats were leading national headlines and newscasts as the clock neared the midnight deadline last Friday, April 8.

As if a federal government shutdown weren’t a big enough priority, Republicans and Democrats took turns taking jabs at the other side. My favorite example of their ridiculous, out-of-touch behavior, as usual, belongs to Pelosi herself.

It’s been reported that an email was sent from Pelosi’s office addressing U.S. Rep. Paul Ryan’s (otherwise known as the GOP budget wunderkind) budget proposals with the subject line “Unicorns for everyone.”

Oh, Nancy.

She is a perfect personification of my theory—every time you think she can’t get more comical, she does. I know the point she’s trying to make, but she just looks absurd.

If she and her counterparts had their way, not only would there be unicorns for everyone, but they’d have golden horns and their own private planes.

Remember what they say about people in glass airplanes, I mean houses.

Despite the jabs and the back-and-forth-taunting, Republicans and Democrats finally agreed on a $38.5 billion compromise. Yes, I am being serious. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Republicans originally wanted $60 billion in cuts to President Barack Obama’s budget, but the two sides settled on just shy of $40 billion.

What the heck was in his budget that even the Democrats agreed to slash nearly $40 billion? Seriously? What’s in there?

There had to have been golden-horned, private-plane-flying unicorns in that budget for Dems to agree to cut nearly $40 billion. This is just absurd. How much onerous nonsense is in your budget, Mr. President, that your own party cuts $38,500,000,000 out of it?

We’ve got a serious problem when cutting that many zeroes is considered a compromise.

But that’s not all. The great compromise only gets us to this Thursday.

On Friday, most members of Congress, including our own delegation, were busy bragging they’d give up their pay to charity in the event of a shutdown. U.S. Sen. Kay Hagan, D-N.C., introduced legislation to ensure military members were paid during a potential shutdown.

Let me get this straight? If the government were to shut down, Congress gets paid, but the military doesn’t?

Nice to see where our priorities lie.

I’m afraid it gets worse.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner announced Congress has a new deadline looming, and it’s May 16.

That is the projected date (because Geithner warned it could come sooner) that the country reaches its debt ceiling, meaning the day we, the greatest nation on God’s green earth, can no longer afford to pay our bills.

What that means for average Americans, Geithner warned, is military salaries, Social Security payments and jobless benefits would cease.

It would also drive up interest rates and slash home values—essentially creating an all-new financial crisis.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, right?

The Democrats want to raise the debt ceiling, but Republicans say the answer lies in deeper budget cuts.

To avoid increasing the debt ceiling, Congress would have to eliminate annual deficits immediately, Geithner said.

Eliminate annual deficits immediately? That’s $1.6 trillion this fiscal year alone, and the Republicans had to fight tooth and nail just to get $38.5 billion of that cut.

I’ll take my unicorn now, Nancy.