A global warming proposal

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By Staff Brunswick Beacon

To the editor: There is a considerable ongoing debate over whether there is global warming and, if so, whether mankind is contributing to what many consider to be a planet-threatening phenomenon.

The former prime minister of Great Britain, Tony Blair, has now added his voice to the debate and recently urged the United States to take the lead in reducing greenhouse gases.

In fact, he is of the opinion that unless we do something now, “damage to the climate will be irreversible.”

In order to mitigate the continued infusion into our atmosphere of carbon dioxide, by far the most abundant greenhouse pollutant known to mankind, I propose the U.S. Congress legislate all adults, under penalty of a severe fine, must hold their breath for five seconds following each inhalation.

The resulting reduction of carbon dioxide in our atmosphere would be enormous.

Of course, there would be some necessary exceptions to this rather drastic measure. Anyone suffering with a chronic pulmonary disease would be exempt.

It also goes without saying the former vice president, Al Gore, for his monumental contributions in this area, would also be exempt.

All illegal and undocumented aliens would be exempt in order to maintain consistency in our public policy making. Barbra Streisand would be exempted as a symbolic gesture to honor all the Hollywood types who have championed this cause.

All members of the U.S. Congress who have stated publicly man-made global warming is not a hoax will similarly be exempt. Of course, carbon dioxide credits will be available to anyone addicted to this nasty habit.

Some others, however, will have to hold their breath for an additional five seconds. For example: Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Dan Rather, Bill Moyers and Michael Moore, to mention a few, for all the hot air they have spewed out over the years.

Let me further suggest it is our patriotic duty, and our duty as citizens of the world, that while awaiting passage of this legislation, we begin practicing this procedure.

As we all know, practice makes perfect and going “cold turkey” may be more than some of us could bear.