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Sitting 'criss-cross applesauce' wishing for Oreos

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By Staff Brunswick Beacon

Last week the Beacon’s education reporter returned from covering one of her stories and was talking about some of students. She described them as sitting “criss-cross applesauce.”

Say what?

While I thought this must mean they were sitting in a criss-cross pattern in giants bowls of applesauce, she explained this was the new way to describe sitting “cross-legged” or what we used to call “Indian style.”

I understand the need to move toward a more politically correct existence, but I am not sure about the whole “criss-cross applesauce” thing. Is using the term “Indian style” really derogatory? I am not sure I agree with this change.

Maybe changing it would be OK if we didn’t have to make it so “cutesy.” Like if we said, “Hey kids, sit down pretzel-style.”

That might be OK.

There’s no doubt a lot has changed since I was in school. I’ll be able to tell my son when I was in school Pluto was a planet.

That’s right—way back in the day—before super-duper telephonic, supertronic telescopes, scientists were so deluded, they classified Pluto as a planet. Not only is Pluto a dwarf planet—it is not even the biggest of the dwarf planets. Eris—another member of the Kuiper belt—is the largest of the dwarf planets.

What I don’t understand is why scientists didn’t add to the current list of planets, instead of demoting Pluto?

Their reasoning was there were four other “dwarf planets” similar to Pluto in size. Also, they stated Pluto did not have a consistent orbit (you know that crazy thing it did, switching places with Uranus).

It just doesn’t seem logical to subtract planets when we are constantly exploring the outer limits. The day astronomers discovered other bodies in the solar system was inevitable. So this begs the question, so why did we demote Pluto instead of add to the list of planets?

Maybe it would just waste too much paper to print those new textbooks. After all, you can just rip out the pages pertaining to the less important dwarf planet Pluto (and it’s stupid moon, too, which is also a dwarf planet).

What will happen to those pages we were going to use for the planets that could have been?

Well, those pages will be used to teach everyone the benefits of recycling. Yes, recycle your can or Coke bottle, but don’t go crazy with it. My grandma has watched too much green TV—she even recycles the cellophane off the Oreo package.

Yeah, that’s right. I still eat Oreos—trans fats and all. I’m sure they’ll be outlawed by the time my son is old enough to eat one. They’ll probably only be allowed to have carrot sticks at school by then.

There will be my boy, with his friends, sitting “criss-cross applesauce,” learning about the dwarf planet, Pluto, and eating carrot sticks at snack time.

In the meantime, I’ll tell him about the wild and crazy days when we sat “Indian-style,” called Pluto a planet and ate trans fats for snack.