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To you athletes who smoke, I hid your cigarettes last night.
Don’t snicker you athletes who chew tobacco. I hid your tins, too.
I was in a hurry—I had more places to visit on Christmas Eve than I thought. And Santa visited some places longer than I could wait him out. So some of you athletes may still be able to find your cigarettes and your chew.
To the rest of you athletes, I am doing you a favor.
A self-righteous Scrooge? Of course.
But please answer me, Mr. Athlete and Miss Athlete, what is the benefit of smoking?
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