Understanding the political hack

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By Staff Brunswick Beacon

Political hacks do nothing. You know them and you’ve seen them; they are all around you.

I used to be a registered Democrat, until Roe vs. Wade, and then my Christian upbringing came into play. How could I belong to a party that believed in killing the unborn? I couldn’t.

My father was a Democrat and so was my mother. They died long before Roe vs. Wade, gay rights and unlimited welfare to illegal immigrants and affirmative action. That is what drove me away from the Democratic Party. I was a Democratic precinct captain in Chicago until they drove me away. I had a good-paying job, but it was not a political job. I did not get a dime for what I did. I did it to be a good citizen. I was not a political hack.

What are the symptoms of a hack? You may notice a hack never has a steady job. While you go to work every day, they really never do. They come in all sizes and shapes, but they tend to have certain titles. One is a community organizer. For this job, they get little money, but always have connections. They drive expensive cars, and their children go to expensive private schools. They live in big houses, and their families have high-paying jobs. They always meet you and greet you like they are meeting you for the first time. They have astonishing memories. You will see them around the neighborhood during the day and you’ll wonder why they are not working. They are not working because instead of a job, they have connections.

Hacks will tell you if they can do you a favor let them know and they will see if they can help. These people are political hacks. They almost never break the law, but they are often found to be friends with someone who does. Usually, the people they know have money. They ride on the edge of the law and seem to know everyone.

Once in a while, a story will appear in a paper about some mysterious favor given to a hack, usually when they decide to run for office. Usually they start low on the political totem pole as an alderman or a committeeman, but almost always as a Democrat. I’m talking about “big city” politicians, not small town or local people. There is just not enough money in small towns anywhere to satisfy the appetite of a hack. He always must be in the big time.

When a hack run for a higher position you will see their signs everywhere. The thing you notice about a hack is his ability to talk to anyone at any time and make a speech right off the cuff. You will notice immediately a hack will never, ever talk in specifics. He will always promise and promise and promise. He will usually make mistakes in regard to facts or history, but that will not deter him from going on and on for hours.

Beware of hacks. They lie, they cheat and they never have a regular job.

All politicians are not political hacks but almost all hacks end up being politicians.

Just think: maybe a political hack will end up being president of the United States. I hope not!