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It’s that time of year when love is in the air. But for those who are single, it’s the time of year their singlehoodedness glares in their faces.
Recently a group of my single female coworkers and I were discussing our dating lives. It may have been one of the most humorous conversations I have had in the office.
All of us are 35 and older. Some have been married; others never. Some have children and others don’t. The one thing we all have in common, besides being single, is experiencing a moment on a date when we wonder why we got off the couch for it.
We laughed hysterically as one after another we recalled the worst dates each of us had been on.
There was the Mr. Rogers lookalike; the you-ate-more-so-you-should-pick-up-the-tab date; the flatulent date; the 30-minute date and many more.
We talked about online dating and how that is a different can of worms.
To steal from Forest Gump, its kind of like a box of chocolates, you just never know what you are going to get.
Anyone can post a photo, say they are single and assign themselves an age. But when you meet that person in real life, it’s typically a different story.
I tried the online dating thing twice several years ago after relentless encouragement from a close friend. It provided much fodder for that book I plan to write one day.
The first date involved the flatulent male mentioned before. It was a one-time date and even in a restaurant full of strangers staring at our table looking for the source of the incredibly loud and long noises, I wanted to laugh—that is after I sunk into the hole I wished was under the table.
Oh, yes, and that was also the-you-ordered-more-so-you-pay date. I would have paid anything to get out of there! (Dating tip No. 1: Don’t pass gas at the dinner table. Him, not me.)
The second time I never even met the person. After talking online via email and chat for a while, we talked on the phone. It was going great. We seemed to have a lot in common and planned to meet in person.
And then he decided to share what some of us call “TMI” (too much information).
He delved into his criminal past. After the first story about slamming a cash register into someone’s head and stabbing them with a knife, I knew this wasn’t going to work out.
He proceeded to tell me about his gang life before I could hang up the phone. (Dating tip No. 2: Don’t tell a date you have inflicted serious bodily damage and maybe even killed someone.)
Throughout the years, my dating life has been a source of entertainment for my closest friends and myself. We still laugh about some of the absurdities. I know I am not alone in dating strangeness.
This Valentine’s Day I hope all the single people out there will take a moment and celebrate themselves. While some people treat you differently for being single, embrace it and shower yourself with love.
As for me, I plan to pour myself a drink and thank my lucky stars I am not melting into my seat at a restaurant while my date creates the need to change his pants when he gets home.
Rachel Johnson is a columnist and a staff writer at The Brunswick Beacon. Reach her at 754-6890 or firstname.lastname@example.org.